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| the farther i go along in my journey through faith in God, the more i realize that faith looks very different from person to person. this realization is not something that i have made recently; rather, i have come to a new level of understanding about it. different organizations and individual churches/"ministries try to wrap God and salvation up in to this clean cut "sinner's prayer." if you have said the sinner's prayer and immediately begin tossing every piece of baggage you carry to the side, then you are good to go in many fervent, over-the-top Christians' minds. i just think that God is way bigger than this judgmental box we put him in. just because someone [most of the time a stranger] legitimately has a hard time understanding or doesn't want to take the time to hear the 4-step-booklet version of the message of Jesus, it's assumed that they are not in right standing with God. i think we have a really poor view of the Bible and even misinterpret the verses on judging one another. i think that many college students in America [those that grow up in the Church] have been bearing their parents' faith. college is a time where many people's faith is made. sadly, for others, college can be a time that breaks their faith. regardless of where someone is at between those two poles of faith, i think it is quite obvious that the reason for not understanding what our response to God's forgiveness through Christ ought to be, is a direct result of either being burned by those that profess to be believers, or being hurt by a particular church or organization. i refuse to put God in a box and say that the days of walking up to random people and trying to talk about Jesus are over, but i must say that many people see that as trying to proselytize them. real love happens through real life and real relationships. God is real and provides real freedom. until I am willing to listen to and respond to his promises, and act on them, I will never really know what it is to enjoy life. and dare I say, others will not realize the opportunity for enjoyment by looking at my life either.
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| The majority of us cannot hear anything but ourselves. And we cannot
hear anything God says. But to be brought to the place where we can
hear the call of God is to be profoundly changed. | | |
| i wonder how many times i have actually written
on this blog
that i am done trying so hard;
a fight to try and make things happen in my own time.
it would be nonsensical to put this and my career on the same plain;
i just know that when i tried to make things happen
to make things work out for myself and my career
in my power
it all ended poorly.
i am sick of wasting time wondering;
maybe the girl in that red dress could be 'the one'
perhaps she will be my partner in crime
[trying to end it, that is]
this is my rhetorical way of throwing in the towel.
i am fine with not knowing;
finding a place to serve
and running headlong into His arms seems to me
a better option than searching
searching for the tangible version of my beautiful one.
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| i can't seem to put my finger on it;
your heart races the way mine does.
the way you look at life;
the person you are inside;
the way you refuse to give me more than the inch i have given you.
what is holding me back then
from running into your arms?
on a spiritual and emotional level;
you're everything and a bag of potato chips.
and it is doubtless that you are beautiful;
God made you with more than a hint of shock value.
so why do i hesitate to move;
i know that nobody will fit a perfect mold.
have you ever thought about waiting for your wow;
the one who will take your breath away?
the one i can't help but stare at;
believing that God could not have meant
for her to simply fall under the female gender.
afraid to blink,
because missing one moment of her face
would be to miss God's greatest creation.
maybe it's you and i don't know it yet;
or maybe this is just a passing glance.
i have not figured out what this is yet;
but my gut tells me that fools rush in.
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| Life is bedazzling sometimes.
Why does God choose to put the people he does in my life at the moments he chooses to put them there? I feel like the older I get and the more knowledge I have of where I am going and the surroundings I am called to (even at this moment), the more the daily grind seems like some euphoric maze in which I will never find the exit. Not only will I never escape, but it seems as if I am surrounded by walls made of mirrors; making it hard to tell if I have really made any progress at the end of the day. I feel like it is time for a desperate change. Complacency has ruled my heart and my life for too long. Two years of having passion and acting on that in mediocre ways has left me in this dull depressive state of walking around mirrors. Why can't I just turn off the lights, let go and let Him smash the deceptive glass?
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